Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

The Martians kidnap Santa because there is nobody on Mars to give their children presents.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians shows up frequently on lists of all-time bad movies, which naturally makes it prime fodder for MST3K. That version is included here as well. Happy Holidays!




Original version




MST3K presentation

A Christmas Carol

A Christmas Carol in Prose, Being a Ghost Story of Christmas (commonly known as A Christmas Carol) is what Charles Dickens described as his "little Christmas Book" and was first published on December 19, 1843 with illustrations by John Leech.

The first of the author's five "Christmas books", the story was instantly successful, selling over six thousand copies in one week. Although originally written under financial duress to help Dickens to pay off a debt, the tale has become one of the most popular and enduring Christmas stories of all time.

You can read the entire text online, as presented by Project Gutenberg, by clicking here.

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

You've made it through Halloween, now try and survive Christmas

Here's a heartwarming, or chilling, clip from Silent Night, Deadly Night.

FEARnet's Top 10 Scariest Santas

Here's a list from FEARnet of their Top 10 Scariest Santas Ever, complete with accompanying video clips!

DirecTV Horror Heroes Christmas Commercial

Here's a nice Christmas commercial from the good folks at DirecTV.

Friday Night Frights: Gremlins (1984)

Welcome to tonight's episode of Friday Night Frights.

Tonight's feature is Gremlins, directed by Joe Dante. The cast includes Hoyt Axton, Corey Feldman, Harry Carey, Jr., and Phoebe Cates.

A boy inadvertantly breaks 3 important rules concerning his new Christmas pet and unleashes a horde of malevolently mischievous monsters on a small town.

Tales from the Crypt - And All Through the House (1989)

And All Through the House, written by Fred Dekker and directed by Robert Zemeckis, originally aired on June 10, 1989. It was Episode 2 of Season 1 of "Tales from the Crypt".

A greedy woman makes the mistake of murdering her husband while an escaped mental patient dressed in a Santa Claus outfit is on the loose.

Check out the host, Crypt Keeper, dressed as Santa during the introduction!

Watch Part 1

Watch Part 2

The Twilight Zone - The Night of the Meek (1960)

The Night of the Meek, written by Rod Serling, originally aired on December 23, 1960. It was Episode 11 of Season 2 of "The Twilight Zone".

Christmas in the Twilight Zone! Art Carney (Ed Norton of "The Honeymooners") is a forlorn department store Santa who takes to drinking - only to find himself experiencing the nicest Christmas ever!

The Stupidest Angel

This is an excellent book by Christopher Moore to read during the holiday season. A Christmas story with zombies!

'Twas the night (okay, more like the week) before Christmas, and all through the tiny community of Pine Cove, California, people are busy buying, wrapping, packing, and generally getting into the holiday spirit.

But not everybody is feeling the joy. Little Joshua Barker is in desperate need of a holiday miracle. No, he's not on his deathbed; no, his dog hasn't run away from home. But Josh is sure that he saw Santa take a shovel to the head, and now the seven-year-old has only one prayer: Please, Santa, come back from the dead.

But hold on! There's an angel waiting in the wings. (Wings, get it?) It's none other than the Archangel Raziel come to Earth seeking a small child with a wish that needs granting. Unfortunately, our angel's not sporting the brightest halo in the bunch, and before you can say "Kris Kringle," he's botched his sacred mission and sent the residents of Pine Cove headlong into Christmas chaos, culminating in the most hilarious and horrifying holiday party the town has ever seen.

Move over, Charles Dickens -- it's Christopher Moore time.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966)

How the Grinch Stole Christmas, written by Dr. Seuss and animated by Chuck Jones, is appropriate for this blog for two reasons:

First of all - The narrator and voice of the Grinch is Boris Karloff.

Second of all - The Grinch! A vile, foul monster! Remember?

You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch / You have termites in your smile / You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile / Mr. Grinch / Given the choice between the two of you, I'd take the... seasick crocodile.

You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch / You're a nasty, wasty skunk / Your mind is filled with unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk / Mr. Grinch / The words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote: Stink, stank, stunk!

You're a monster, Mr. Grinch / Your heart's an empty hole / Your brain is full of spiders, you have garlic in your soul / Mr. Grinch / I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.

Your soul is an apalling dung-heap, overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable, mangled up in tangled up knots.

The famous Grinch song was sung by Thurl Ravenscroft, perhaps better known as the voice of Tony the Tiger in the TV commercials. He received no screen credit for his singing, an oversight Dr. Seuss attempted to rectify by sending letters to every major columnist in America identifying Ravenscroft as the singer on "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch". He is also part of the chorus on the other two songs.

Back For Christmas

Halloween is over (sigh), but here's a little pre-Christmastime tale for you.

Escape's "Back for Christmas" was adapted from the short story of the same name by John Collier. Both Escape and Suspense presented this tale but without the gruesome elements of the original work. The radio dramatizations also added extra scenes to fill the half-hour format.

The story begins in England, inside the house of a professor of botany named Herbert Carpenter. He and his wife, Hermione, are soon to leave for an extended trip to America, where he will be lecturing.

Hermione is a shrew who keeps her husband under her constant control. She has planned every detail of their trip with precision and, to her annoyance, Herbert is not conforming with her plan. Instead, he is wasting time on a botanical project in their cellar. He is also lingering too long at the bookshop to chat with the bookseller, Miss Markham.

Hermione has promised all of their friends that they will be back for Christmas, but if Herbert has his way -- she won't be.

The radioplay performed on Escape had originally aired on Suspense on December 23, 1943. Peter Lorre played the role of the professor and his rendition of the hen-pecked husband gone mad is classic. The name of the actress who played Hermione is not given, but it was probably Jeanette Nolan.

Listen to "Back for Christmas".

The story was also produced as an episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents in 1956. You can watch the full episode in a popout window by clicking on the picture below.





Source for radio broadcast: Escape and Suspense!

We Wish You a Scary Christmas

Fully a week and a half to go before Halloween, and what do I see in the department stores? Christmas trees, ornaments, yuletide decorations and the like.

Fine.

About.com has a list of scary yuletide movies that will carry you into the holiday season.

My favorite on the list? Black Christmas from 1974, quite possibly the ORIGINAL slasher movie; directed by Bob Clark, who nine years later would direct what would become an annual Christmas television favorite - A Christmas Story.